I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
