I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
