I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
