eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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