honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
