Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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