YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize