I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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