At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
