My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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