My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
