can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
