i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her vagine was all disorganized.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
