then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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