I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
