yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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