He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
