you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
