I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
