so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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