my mouth tastes like poor choices
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
