my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
