is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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