Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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