Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
