there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
