I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
