Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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