Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What drink are we having for lunch?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
