You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just google imaged poop.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
