I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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