I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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