I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
