I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
