Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
