Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
