If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
