That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
