It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
