It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
