Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this will be a night to untag.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
