Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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