So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize