Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
