This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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