Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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