So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
