I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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