I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
