There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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