I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
