GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
