And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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