did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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