I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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