you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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