I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
