I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
