I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
