have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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