New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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