We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So squirting runs in the family.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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