Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
