i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
