lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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