you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
