this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
