All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've blown a few things in my day
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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