She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
