Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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